In the time honored tradition of breakups there are two choices the night after. One is to go out and be "free". The other is to completely isolate yourself on the couch to replay the relationship ad nauseum. I, being the party girl I am, opted for the going out.
I spent yesterday catching up on the little things I had neglected. Shoring up, yet again, my feelings of need and desire for my family. Much laughter. Much love. Much peace. Breakfast with familiar faces. Stories of nothing and everything........nice.
Later in the day I mowed grass. There is nothing better than the smell of fresh cut grass. The feeling of the stray blades blowing up against your bare leg. An earthy smell. A "glad I am alive" smell.
Finished the lawns. Took my nap.
Upon rising from the nap, I laid in my bed revisiting the past 24 hours. The ending of the relationship. The bitter irony of coming to my senses about myself. The self-defeating attitude that always accompanies the latter. Forget that.
I jumped out of bed, bugged my roomies for a bit, and we decided to go and play in the pool tournament.
Party Girl's are on the loose. Some "loose" we were.
Why is it the minute a gay man is free of a relationship all he does is compare everyone he meets to the guy he just ended it with? I am sure one doesn't want to fall into someone's arms that is just like the one he was with. Although the sense of "security" is there, the deception is great. Deception on the part of ones self, and the liability of the guy you fall into!
I began the exhausting detail of picking apart guys I was remotely interested. I began to actually "see" people I know in a different light. It is never easy to soul search, and it should not be done at a pool tournament, especially if you are competing!
It was an enjoyable evening spent catching up with an old friend who I completely have grown to adore. He is like a new person every time I am around him. (NOT LUSTING HERE) He is someone I was extremely intimidated of at first. Now I have the reasons to be intimidated and I can't fathom the thought of it. He makes me want to be a better man. He makes me want to succeed. No pressure. Just the unspoken support in his eyes, his occasional emails, and his genuine smile. Thanks!
So..........the party continues today. A birthday party, Sunday School, and an evening BBQ. Who knows how long my pantyhose will stay in check. One good thing though, I can officially wear white, open toed sandals and my pearls! Perhaps I shall give someone a pearl necklace!
peace, love, and bacon grease!
xoxo
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