"The guardian angels that God sends to encourage, love and bless us are the sweet souls of family and friends....."
Two very wise Marine and Navy men gave me this sentiment for Christmas. I received it Sunday and it has taken me this long to comprehend the message.
My life has been full of:
ups,
downs,
friends,
foes,
family,
hate,
love,
blessings,
heartaches,
miracles,
and that of re-birth.
In my last posting I spoke of forgiveness, something easier to talk about than to actually do, and the impact it has had on my life.
I was wrong. I never truly forgave. I never truly let go of the hurt. I could never let go of the pain. No one can.
As a year passes, again-why do they go so fast the older we get-, everyone is forced to reflect on the past year. I stop to dwell on certain mistakes. Certain faults of my own. Certain faults of others. Certain faults of the human race.
Those of you that truly know me, know that I am a man full of life, love and compassion for everything -except birds-they scare the be-Jesus out of me- that is fortunate to be in my orbit.
I am going to try to hit on a few high/low lights for the past year. None of this is intended to hurt, slander, or persecute anyone. Again, everyone that knows me is aware of my mouth.
1. Friends. No names. No specifics. Just the wonderful feeling of love and companionship. The awful feeling of betrayal. The unspecified feeling of regret and sorrow.
I always come back to the story of the ripples in a pond from a stone. Some stones create beautiful ripples, other cause catastrophe, and some just rock with the movements. We all know what kind of ripple I am. And when two ripples of the same size are in the same pond. Well, one has to out ripple the other. Unfortunately for me, I have quite a few LARGE ripples in my pond. The plus side to this rippling effect is the shore upon which one lands. My shore is crowded with calm, crazy, loyal stones. Strong and secure. Never going anywhere. Always there to catch me and calm me down.
This past year has been like the ripples above. Many head butting's, many harsh words, many hurt feelings. I have remained constant in the feelings for all of whom I have butted. I cannot say the same thing for those who have butted against me. I pray for smooth waters with just a few ripples this year.
2. Work. What an incredible year. Post dispatch articles, new favorites on the patio, the camaraderie of a great team, the excitement of busy days. The laughter, the tears, the kids, the regulars.....
The loss of it all.
In hindsight of what happened with work is that of a child.
ME = CHILD.
It is very disheartening to watch two years of my life go down the drain. It is not the first, nor will it be the last.
It was supposed to be something special. And it turned into one of my biggest regrets and heartaches.
3. Family. In the last 4 months I have reconnected with my past. via my brother. It is unreal the pain, sorrow, tears, laughter and love this reconnection has provided. We, literally, had not spoken in over three years and now he is a part of our daily lives. It is not easy, but having family never is.
4. Joe. My rock, my life, my love. Enough said.
Along the way this year I have been fortunate enough to meet many interesting people. Experience life through other eyes. Live for something other than myself. I have been faced with overwhelming obstacles. Hurdled them with trepidation and fear. Thankfully, not many were hurt along the way.
So, remember, dear friends and foes.
I may appear to have it all together.
I may appear to have lost it all.
I may appear happy.
I may appear sad.
Only those "guardian angels" know the truth. And for those "guardian angels"......thank you.
