Prison thoughts........part three.

Today's thoughts are those of the "re-entry" process.

Talk about a fucked up system.

The cards are stacked against a prisoner upon the start of the release process. I don't know if this "confusion" is nationwide but the process in Missouri is a joke.

Upon your arrival to your "home" prison you are given a date to go in front of the parole board. This date can be changed at a moments notice. It can be taken away for various reasons. It can be held over your head by both inmates and case workers behind the wall.

Your parole date is set in stone. The parole board, usually made up of three delegates from all over the state of Missouri, literally hold your future and life in their hands. These delegates review your file, speak with your family members, your victim's and their families, previous employers, and your criminal record. You have no say in what is being said about you. Your only hope is that you have been a productive member of society prior to incarceration OR you are screwed. Thus, the picture at the right!

Prior to actually going in front of the parole board you meet with a case worker who reviews your case. This case worker, depending on their mood, sets the tone for your parole hearing. If your case worker thinks you have made a bad impression-you are screwed. If your case worker thinks you are a trouble maker-you are screwed. If the case worker likes you-i.e.--MY SITUATION, THANK GOD!--they will go above and beyond to get you out of prison. I spoke with my case worker both on the record and off the record. She told me that she knows, after many years of doing the job, who will return and who will succeed. I have to agree with her on this aspect but what about those men and women who just can't present themselves with the correct attitude and demeanor? What about the men, no boys, who work their ass off in prison to better themselves with what is available and then slapped in the face and told to try harder? Talk about a reason to give up!

I was, and was told this numerous times by guards, case workers, the parole board, my parole officer, administrators, and other prisoners, an "exception" to all the rules. BULLSHIT.

I am appalled at the situation between "prison" and the "free world". The concept of re-entry into society is just that......WORDS.

The most basic stipulation for getting out of prison is that of when your date arrives-you go.

Prior to my release back into society. I began to question the guards, my parole representative, case workers, and other prisoners about programs and aid upon release. You would have thought I had asked if Godzilla was actually a living creature! I was literally told by the administration, guards, case workers and my parole representative that my parole officer on the outside would take care of all of that. HA! After speaking with my fellow prisoners, I discovered the actual truth.

NO one cares.

NO one wants to get involved.

Only those that want to succeed and stay out of prison find the resources to carry on. I investigated, via the prison library, the resources available to me upon my release. I would ask my case worker and parole representative about certain programs and they had never heard of them. I questioned why? I was told to mind my own business and under no certain terms was told not to make a stink. My question again--WHY?

Missouri prison's system is based upon the all mighty dollar. The more inmates. The more moolah Matt Blunt and his cronies can disperse across the state. The best story I heard in prison was the quote by George Bush about Missouri wanting more money to build prisons. His response, "put razor wire around the entire state"! It is a crazy concept, but not far from the truth.

The prison system in Missouri is that of a revolving door. The entire time I was at Moberly Correctional Center I witnessed, at least, 10 inmates released and then returned within 60 days. Very discouraging for myself and my fellow inmates. I spoke to a few of them and were told of "why" they returned. No way to work, no place to live, no one to care--prison is just easier and more convenient for a majority of the men locked away. You teach a dog a trick, he won't forget it!

You don't pass go, they give you-literally-$5.00 to get where you are going, and a set of clothes from the goodwill from 1965. I have two friends who can attest the truth to every word of this statement. It is both humiliating and degrading. I, personally, worked my ass off in prison to earn my $76.00. I saved, scrimped and needed this money upon release. Upon my release from prison, I was handed a manila envelope with a five dollar bill and a receipt for "charges" I had to pay the state to get out.

On my ride back to St. Louis from Moberly, I spent the drive--not enjoying my freedom--but worried sick about minute things such as food, shelter, and actually living. There are no classes in prison to tell you of the overwhelming sense of sensory explosion. There are no classes to help you adapt to the smells of everyday life. There are no classes or sessions to help you face the ones you left behind. There is not even a hint of "good luck". Upon your release, you again are reinforced with the truth that you are a prisoner and are in the odds of returning. Not succeeding, but returning.

Upon arrival to St. Louis I went to my parole officer and presented her with a list of questions. I was told, straight faced, that all my questions and concerns should have been handled while I was still in prison.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I didn't question the response. I knew it was going to be that way. Parole is concerned with two things. No drugs and getting a job. Everything else is of no concern. There are WAY to many people in this dysfunctional world of "ex-cons" for them to concentrate on one person. I grabbed my ball and ran the best I could.

The truth of this little tale is that, again, life is what you make of it. Institutions are governed, no micro-managed, to the point of "who cares"? Clock in, clock out.

I was and am one of the lucky ones. I returned to society with the aid of friends, (NO FAMILY-whole different blog) St. Vincent's DePaul, and a strong faith in my not returning to prison.

It was and still is extremely difficult.

I am going to drink my cup of "Shut the Fuck up", rich with a shot of creamer.

Happy days and peace to you all.