Hands tied. Down for the count. Situations out of control.
The rain continues in the land of Oz.
For the second time in this short life of mine, post-conviction, I am at a crossroads in my thinking. An extremely, life altering, mind jarring decision that I alone have to make. The involvement of people in my life is not a factor in this process, but the decisions I make will have repercussions for the rest of my life...................
TOO MUCH DRAMA!!!!.............
DRAMA FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!............
Upon my release from prison, I swore to myself, that for the first time in my life, I would make decisions for my own benefit. No more self sacrificing for the people in my life. Now, I am not self sacrificing anything but the mystery and the unknown. The question lies in the fact of facing the unknown or going with my gut.
Either way it leaves a knot in my stomach, a feeling of FRUSTRATION.
3 comments:
Bobby...
It has become a known fact in my life that without Drama, there is no life, no love, just emptyness.
I believe our world / society survives of a daily fuel called "Drama". As the old saying goes, "It not when they ARE talking about you, that you should be worried... It's when they STOP talking about you".
Again, to clarify - this is just a reminder that you are ALIVE, that you have re-entered the world at full force, and dived right in, jsut as we all do.
So Bobby, all I can say is "Welcome Back, Babe!"
You're alive, enjoy it, thrive off it, drink in the delicious taste of life, the moments, the glares, the wispers, the winks, the gossip, the drunk calls at 3am..(Remeber - although at times it may taste bitter, it is still the sweet taste of drama that makes you feel) FEEL IT ??? ENJOY IT!!!!
You wonderful, sexy, sweet, kind, open hearted, smart, caring, gentle man!
ENJOY IT!
P.S. Who you hollarin' at?
Love,
Peanut
I just found out 2 days ago that a friend of mine, who is Breast Cancer Surviver, can't get a free mammogram because she is younger than 30. HOW CRAZY IS THAT?
Being under 30 should not hinder any woman who has beaten this cancer ONCE to not have the availablility of this test yearly for free.
INSURANCE, INSURANCE, INSURANCE, we hear so much about insurance and I will tell you that I am fortunate enough to be able to have a job where my insurance is paid. But I also have a script for my mammogram and I wish I could give it to her, she needs it more than me to find out if the lumps she is feeling is something to be concerned with.
My heart sank when I was told that she is feeling lumps again in the same breast as before. How can someone fight this without insurance. There are only two options, go in debt and survive or let the cancer take her life. SHE IS GOING TO FIGHT, SHE IS A STRONG WOMAN, SHE IS VERY COURAGOUS. SHE WILL FIGHT but we need to help her fight. We need to support her and Breat Cancer Awareness. IF you give to charity's please consider giving to help find a cure for breast cancer.
This is one of the major factors I am without a mother now. My mother was having difficulties with her health, after several months of convincing her to go to the doctor she finally did. She died before she knew the official results of her tests. My mom did not want to fight, she did not want to go into debt. My father made a choice, make a little more money a month or have an insurance policy for him and his wife. WeLL I bet you can guess what the choice was. She didn't give up because she did not have insurance, she gave up on life because she was miserable in her marriage. She was not strong enough, I guess to fight this because she thought she would fight this by herself. My mother and father were not in the best marriage, they loved each other at one point but no longer. My mother, I guess, felt as though she had her back against the wall and did not have any fight left in her, so she got drunk one night and took enough pills to kill a horse. This is the first time I have publicly stated that.
I feel as though this is important for me and anyone else that might read this. We need to make sure our loved ones NEVER feel like this. No ones back should be against the wall. NO one should be beaten down, mentally, to have no other options but to end their life. There is so much I would of loved for my mom to be around to see and enjoy with me. But I now I need to be an advocate for helping people not feel this way. Sometimes that makes me get in the thick of DRAMA but if it will help them see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel they are in, I will do it every chance I get.
I am praying that my friend does not have what we think it might be. We all need to have positive thoughts and if you pray, please pray for her and anyone else that might be in this same situation.
So my orginial blog about frustration was going to be very trivial.... I was frustrated at being in a meeting for a full day to accomplish one task. It was such a waste of time. But this topic really frustrates me.
Thanks for letting me vent,
BOSS
good news, my friend found out that the Koman Grant will pay for all of her medical needs if it turns out that she has cancer again. That was a huge relief.... thanks for all of the people that made such a grant possible. I heard tears of joy instead of tears of fear and sadness.
I would still like all to pray if you do so her condition can be taken care of carefully and quickly. She is too young for the alternative.
BOSS
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