As I awake this morning, I reflect back to yesterday's activities. I cannot believe the rage that was in my system. Words were weapons. My eyes could not mask the fury that was bubbling in my brain.
Simple actions. Simple words. "Fun" comments. Not so funny.
How can people who say they are friends continue to treat me in the same manner? How can I make people see that I am different. How do I change the perceptions of those who once were so close to me. Better yet, why should I care or bother?
I've struggled with these thoughts for the better part of a month. I've let them simmer, stew deep within my heart. I am reaching a breaking point in my soul.
I've never been a violent man. I came close yesterday. The concept of returning to prison was in the back of my mind. I want to strike out at those "friends" who keep pushing me down. Better yet, why do I call them friends?
I'm going to let it all go. It is much easier to dismiss the bad, than to create even more ill feelings.
The bright point in all of this is the love and support I do receive from my "family". Their support and warmth make the rage and fury containable.
How much longer can I feel this way?
4 comments:
Bobby,
It might be time to find a new place to hang out. The comforts of the old bar are no longer your friend. But at the same time, eventhough you have frequented different places- those same faces keep getting into your face. Why is that? Why not turn the tables on them and ask them why they are so angry with you? They must be angry with you if they keep saying mean things to you... is this high school..... haven't they learned that you you don't have anything nice to say, to not say anything?
If your "friends" can not discuss with you what makes them so angry at you, they were never your friend. I told you in my first letter to you that I was angry with you.... do you remember that....? So if little old me can tell you that why can't the people that have helped you while you were in prison.
While you are trying to get back on your feet, move those feet to make your own comfort zone some place else. There are many bars that have pool tables and you would look faboulous playing at them. Move on my friend, it is not worth going back to prison because your anger got the best of you. You have grown too much in the last year to even give this a second more of your time.
Boss
Amen sister friend!
I just don't know if St. Louis is ready for all of the "sexiness" and ultra cool to be exposed!
Thanks for keeping it real!
Bobbo....I agree with Boss. It is time for new social outlets. Rely on us and fuck those people who put you down. There are times in your life where you find out who your real friends are and it sounds like this is one of those times. Know we love you and emebrace that. We all have demons and for even one person to start casting stones, shame on them.
You know, I experienced some rage yesterday and it was really kind of petty. But I was enraged... it was not about this situation, it is about our future society. I really feel as though we are hindering our childern of their childhood. When was the last time your child went outside to play? When was the last time that the area was safe enough for your child to play? When was the last time you read to your child? When was the last time you asked your child, "How was your day" and really listened? If you can not answer those questions,please pay more attention to your children. Get them outside and play, get them away from the TV and Video games that are killing their imagination and their attention span. Ok I am done.
One more thing, you get outside and play and see if you feel better at the end of the day.
Boss
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