The state of life.

In the past week, I've tried to be analylitical in the use of my words.

Ideas. Thoughts.

In the impass of the last 48 hours my life has been turned upside down. Right side up. Discoveries of horrifying nature. I've leveled out.

Slipping.

The circle of life.?.?.

It has become increasingly harder to maintain my decorum. I've become weary of looks. I've become tired of comments from "friends". The constant awaiting of my "fuck up". It is surreal to me the depths that mankind, especially people I care about, await the fall from grace. It is as if they are waiting for my life to go back down the toilet.

The fake "how are you doing".

The false "if you need anything".

The treacherous "you look great".

The entire time their eyes are revealing the inner truth. Tragic.


Now. Let me explain something. Everyone that was in my life prior to prison is still there. It is just the capacity of change that EVERYONE has went through. I'm tired of these "friends" saying I need to adjust to the "old"way of life. With the exception of a handful of dear "family" members, nothing is the same. I know I have changed. I know they have changed.

The problem lies within the lack of interest my friends have put into their own lives. The scrutiny I have to lie under is fodder for their reasoning. If, and only if, they could point their scrutiny upon themselves, perhaps they could understand the growth a man goes through when faced with a life altering situation.

Again, no sympathy. No excuses. No reasoning. Just reality.

I'll be fine. I'll be great.

Will everyone else?