Reflections......again.

Last night was quite the adventure.

Rain, flat tires, old partner, new partner, RAIN..........

Let me just make one fact clear. I hate driving in the rain. I hate riding in a car in the rain.

The evening started off as any other. At Blockbuster trying to find a DVD for the rainy evening. Delivery pizza and movie were the plans.

Ring, Ring........

My ex. God love him. He had a flat tire at work. OF COURSE, work is in North County, the time is 5:15, rush hour, and again, IT IS RAINING!!

I go home, load up my car and get Joe and we head out.

First discussion. Quickest way to UMSL. We decide to take 40 to I-70 north. CRAWLING!! My nerves are racing because of the rain. I am smoking a cigarette with the window cracked for ventilation. I am traveling about 10-15 miles per hour in the center lane when an SUV decides to pass me in the left lane at about 55 miles per hour.

SPLASH!

Right through the window. I am horrified, Joe is laughing, and before I can react to roll the window up, another freekin' car speeds by and, yes

SPLASH!!

A second time..........

It took approximately 45 minutes to travel 12 miles to UMSL campus. Face and left side of my body soaked. (it was quite amusing--NOW, not then!) My nerves were not well!

I know, long set up to reflections.

It is odd the feeling that comes over my body and mind at times like that.

I am automatically transported back to 3 years ago when my ex and I were together. TOO FUNNY..........

I then reflect back to the one before him, and the one before him, and then to the WOMAN before him! (No comments, see the pictures to the right. I covered her face for her own protection!! What was I thinking with that mustache? BUT...look at the brows.....again, FABULOUS!! But what happened to my HAIR!)

Each of these "ex-es" were unique. Yet, each were identical. (JOE-you are nothing like any of them!)

The pattern I followed in my life is scary. I always searched for an individual that was able to stand on their own, and ended up in a co-dependent relationship where the line of partner and care-giver/taker meshed. Make sense?

Probably not.

At this point, I want to go on the record as stating my last ex is one of the dearest, caring, loving individuals on the planet. He will and would help anyone...........

My current partner is just as loving but he has that ingrained notion that I love. Gumption, problem solving, resourceful........and frank.

You see, in the past, I always looked for my happiness through the happiness of my partner. If I made them happy, then, of course, I was happy!

WRONG!!!

It has truly taken a miracle and a lot of hard work to realize that happiness for myself is not in the face or the mind of my partner. It is in the happiness I receive from sharing my life with someone.

So....to my ex-es......I am sorry for hurting your lives for my own growth. I just pray that you grew along the way also.