Hope....

I must confess. I must speak my mind. This week has been a troubling one. Not because of elections, racism, or gay rights. It is because of my life....

Literally.

One month ago I switched my primary care doctor from the Grace Hill Clinic to a private practice. (YEAH!!--health insurance finally!!) Initially, after my release from prison, I went to the clinic because it was all I could afford. Grace Hill was great. Friendly, helpful. Just overworked and understaffed. I got the basics done. Blood testing, routing medications, and the such. When I switched to my new doctor I had a top of the head to the tip of my feet physical examination done. THANK GOD!

Due to a "situation" in prison. I get Hep C, HIV, and STD tests done every three months. I know it seems extreme. I know it sounds like overkill. I have to be honest. (Momma is just to YOUNG and PRETTY to die or have drippy "you know what"!) I have had negative test results for the last 9 months. Only 1.25 years to go and I will give up the insane "testing" for these diseases.

I had these tests ran along with blood counts, cholesterol levels, and the routine blood work for a full physical examination.

I had an "issue" that had to be resolved with colo-rectal specialists and was referred to a different doctor/surgeon.

This is where the life altering began.

I had a small procedure scheduled and, because of my family history, a colonoscopy was ordered. (This is where it gets all Katie Couric!)

The colonoscopy was done. I had 6 polyps. SIX POLYPS. They were removed. The doctor told me not to worry they would be tested for cancer. In his opinion, four of them looked like a normal polyp but two of them had him doubting.

Talk about stressful.
Talk about reverting back to 1994.
Talk about eye opening.

In 1994, my mother was diagnosed with squamous cell cancer of the lungs. It was the most horrific scene in life I had, up until this point, ever witnessed. Anyone who has dealt with cancer or watched a loved one fight it, knows exactly what I am talking about. The good news. My mother beat her lung cancer. Two horrible years of chemo and radiation. Two years that changed my mother forever. (Whole different blog entry!) My mother, when she died, had been cancer free for 10+ years. The doctors had labled her a medical miracle.

In 1999, my father died of cirhossis of the liver. He drank himself to death. It was a horrible death. We later found out, after his death, he was full of cancer.

My paternal and maternal Grandmothers both died from cancer. Numerous aunts and uncles have fought it over the years.

SO....

One can understand my fear and anxiety. I, initially, kept all of this to myself. The thought of this disease entering into my world. Mind you, I had no concrete evidence other than two crazy looking polyps to base my fears. It didn't matter. Once you hear the word cancer and your life in the same sentence, life changes. To complicate matters, Joe was in Tampa, Barack was changing history, and California decided chickens, calves, and pregnant pigs get a better value of life than homosexuals. Not trying to be dramatic, but I needed something to divert my attention from "poor, pitiful me".

I researched colon cancer on the web. Talk about horror stories. I had already placed myself 6 feet in the ground.
I cried.
I laughed.
I remembered my family.

I vowed to live.

I got the initial results of the "questionable" polyps on Wednesday. They appeared pre-cancerous. I had to see a different doctor and he ordered a MRI. I had the MRI yesterday and got the results.

NO CANCER FOR NOW.

I have to be retested every six months.
I have to change the way I live my life.
I have to focus on health.
I have to focus on QUALITY OF LIFE!

All of this over 6 polyps and a tube shoved up my butt! It is easy to reflect on it now. It is not easy explaining this via the blog to my friends who knew something was off, but couldn't put their finger on it. It is even harder since I faced this alone, without my family. My real family.

I have "family" here. I love them dearly. I just couldn't come to most of them without feeling as if "here he goes again" with a new drama or new crisis. I, ultimately, had to fight this disease. My mentality was not at its best!

The good news. Rodney is still here with a fully functioning colon!
The bad news. Rodney hates changing his habits!

Being beautiful is hard enough, but now, being healthy? UGGGGG.....