In the middle.....

2011.....2:10 am............

scary? yes.......

Mind racing..........Yes.

In the past 24 hours I have witnessed many a miracle. Tornadoes. Husbands. Brothers. Friends. ......and myself.

The latter of the list above is what frightens me.

In the course of the last 8 hours I have went from Rod to Rod. No change. Nothing special. Just different surroundings.........yet each experience has been different.

First off. Let me start by saying I am not a big New Year's Eve fan. Parties. Friends. Food. Liquor. Smiles. Regrets.

I went out to dinner with friends. Nice. Expensive. Boring. Not the company, but the effort it took to seem interested to sit and wait for a friend to serve us "ordinary" food. I have never been a fan of dining out but this year....I did it for Joe. Company was superb. My two favorite men--Joe and Edward. The marine and the army. Hot dog in a bun and her date. A prison warden. (ironic?--you think?) And a restaurant full of wanna-Be's. Talk was usual. Dinner was ordinary. My feelings were off the chart. It is hard for me to contain my disdain for the ordinary. It is even harder for me to be quiet. The hardest was to pretend that I had a good time. I love my Joe and my friends..........but dinners out bore me. Seriously?........I can eat at home for free and not worry about small talk. It sounds petty...but.....food is a privilege and it is not one I look for when I leave my home. Dinner finished. Off to the next function.

Bling party. Yeah. Shock to the system. Young, old, fake, pretentious, real, ordinary, and show. Seven words wrap up the first party. It was quite interesting to watch the interactions between the people involved. Great house, great host......weird mix. Joe and I put our most fabulous bling on for the party. We looked great. We were a hit. We were bored 10 minutes in. It is amazing to watch the people in St. Louis and in our life pat themselves on the back for nothing. I often go to bed wondering if the same people who I mingle with, think of themselves in the first person when they brush their teeth.

"Exavier, don't forget to floss",

as they spit in the sink and gaze into the mirror and say to themselves,

"yes, they are very lucky you were there"........

It is all quite ludicrous when one places these statements onto paper.

Yet--very EMPOWERING for those to know that they are being talked about.

Off to the next party......................................

Another house party.

Homos.

Underwear.

Booze.

Nuff said....

Except this. When do people/friends become to old to act like they are freshmen in college?

I love my friends.

I love my life.

I love being silly.

When does one reach an age when it is not acceptable for themselves?

I am sounding pious.

I am sounding grandeur.

I am sounding like the true BITCH I am.

So...........let me wrangle this in.......

I am very fortunate to have:

every one.

every thing.

every opportunity.

every breath.

every circle.

every laugh.

every tear...........

Yet, to shallow to appreciate it all.

BUT--strong enough to what a great thing I have.

I have, at the moment, four wonderful souls waiting for me in bed.

Each are mine.

Each are breathing.

Each take my breath away.

Each hold my heart.

Maxx, Bay-Lee, Dexter, and Joe..........

Any 4 sweeter names you know?????

Me either.

Good night friends.

Good night enemies.

Good riddance 2010..........

You were real.

You were fun.

BUT....you weren't real fun.....