Coffee and friends.

Rainy days and Thursdays! I met this morning at Luvy Duvy's with Uncle Edward to discuss getting him moved into his new home. I sat there in amazement. Surrounded by friends. Joe on my right. Hot coffee in front of me.....


What a difference a year makes.

I am not trying to harp. I am not working towards feelings of sympathy. I just can't believe my life.

One year ago today I was locked in a 10 x 8 cell drinking instant coffee, depressed,sad, and hopeless. I was living on inner strength and hope. A hope that one day I would be among friends with my "someone" special drinking coffee and laughing.... Many a day, tears would roll down my cheeks from the smell of coffee. I was fortunate enough to have a few "good" friends in prison. We would sit and talk. I would regale them with stories of my friends and my life prior to prison. They would tell me that I would just light up. I remember my pulse quickening. My breath becoming rushed. The excitement of the outside world........

Then the crashing reality of what my life was at that moment in time.

It is very hard to put into words the reality of all of this. It is hard to explain, to those closest to me, the sheer JOY of my life. I sometimes get frightened. Obtuse to the obvious, and well up in fits of depression and despair. I want everyone to understand that my depression is looming. Always shivering in the dark places in my mind. The depression is a life source of its own. The depression is a driving force for me.
I have finally come to realize, that in order to live, I must accept it.
Overcome it.
Incorporate it into my daily breathing.

At times it is easy. Other times, it is debilitating. I can tell you this much. It is not pretty. Horrible thoughts fester in my mind. Fearful scenarios play out in slow motion. Abandonment is a HUGE force.......

SO......

Another piece of the puzzle of Rodney.

I am truly blessed with everyone in my life. Truly thankful for everything in my life.

Friends.
Just bear with me!