The time is 6am. It is Tuesday, December 23. Two days until the day arrives.
I am anticipating.
Procrastinating.
Emulating.
Working to death "ating".
Celebrating.
Ponder "ating".
and Reflecting.
What a year. (I will have a WHOLE posting on the closing of the 2008 year!)
I just left Laura's blog concerning her Grandfather's passing. It has touched me in ways I had long forgotten. I truly have to follow her advice and life lesson. I've had my share, but I guess it takes a slap in the face from someone you love to reinforce it. Forgiveness. What a word.
Joseph has often told me, much to my own folly, to let go of the past and move on. To, as Laura said, "not hold the grudge" and move past it. Strong words. Even stronger to achieve....
As everyone knows from these blog postings. I miss and yearn for my "siblings" and the connection we once had. I am through blaming. Through belly aching. Through the "re-living" of how I did them wrong and they did me wrong. My gift to myself this year is that of forgiveness of my "SELF". And of every feeling that conjures up my resentment and anger. I have to realize that WE, not just me or them, chose this path. I can either stay on it, or get off it. I choose to get off it. I am vowing to myself to stay in contact with them. I am going to try and rebuild what we had, only better.
In a years time, I have completely turned my life around. With the support of many people. Old and new. Fights, arguments, tears and laughter. They have all contributed to my growth. In essence, a christmas miracle. Rodney has begun the "way overdue" process of adulthood.
Christmas this year is the happiest time I can remember. No ties. No guilt. No remorse for anything. (Other than the extra 15 pounds I have packed on!) I am just thankful and blessed to be involved with the most precious man and the greatest group of friends on the planet.
SO....in between the hours for work, the running around with friends, the precious time with my baby Joe and Maxx......I sit and smile to myself. Smile for all the right reasons. Smile with the warmth of a hot furnace vent blowing up a blanket in which I am wrapped!........
I love you all.
I miss the people who have left my life.
I anticipate the arrival of the new.
Merry Christmas everyone. Be sure to ring a bell or two in the next few days. You all deserve your own set up wings!
2 comments:
Dear Santa….
I too have so much to be thankful for.
My husband… It is so good to hear you say the words of moving off the path of anger, resentment, and GUILT (that's a big one).
You deserve everything you want in life, as do we all.
I have so many things in life to be thankful for, a loving, ACCEPTING, caring family - both blood and of course and even more important my very close extended family.
The un-waving, strong hearted, independent Dr. Small who stands as strong as steel, but has a heart of butter...
The amazingly talented, independent Rodger...
The quiet (ya right) innocent hearted, and true emotional loving John...
Edward, OMG an unbelievable, strong opinioned, afraid of nothing person, only god could have sent such a wonderful soul to us...
Brian, or as i like to type (Brain) a Caring, well rounded person. And how cute is he when he is drunk-ard!!!
Terri, what can i say... A wonderful woman, who I can say gives the best hugs in the world.
Lori, a friend that has stood beside me for 20+ years, through thick, and thin, and let me tell you we have both literally been through thick and thin... ha ain’t that right sister…
Lori your strength and determination has always kept you afloat, and will take you to many places, and i plan to be there with you every step!
and Rodney, my husband... Your funny, strong, powerful, and sexy! A man who is admired by so many, even those that don't know him except from a distance.
BUT worry none... this man can make even a stranger feel they are the most important person in the room at any point. Rodney you amaze me, and auuuhhh me all at the same time. What more can I wish for than to bring in the new year, with you, Rodney, my husband by my side!
Happy Holidays to my family, to my friends, to my husband, and to those I have lost contact with in the past, and to those I look forward to meeting in the future.
I love you all!
Rodney,
You have had one HELL of a year. I am so proud of you. You have had to look into the mirror of life many times when you were frustrated with how slowly things were moving for you.
I will say, I was most proud of you a month or so ago when the three of us sat down and worked through some things. The "old" Rodney would of ran and ran.... he would not of looked into the mirror and make consessions and admit mistakes.
I am with Yo Yo, you amaze me every day I am around you. You have been there so many times for me and will continue as we go through yet another year together.
I do miss one on one time with you but I know that will come when we both need it.... no worries.
I love you and I look forward to 2009 with you.
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